I happened to watch these rain lilies at dusk in our garden. Their vibrant colour, rich radiance and defiant upright position in the strong wind, called me to pause and behold a mystery! Each flower was carried on a slender stalk; the petals looked and felt fragile; they were rain soaked and yet not drooping. It gave me a message of strength and hope amidst the vulnerability it encountered in the rainy weather.
This feeling of the reality of vulnerability in life lingered on in my mind.
When I read the passage from the New Testament of the Bible from the gospel of Mathew, chapter 28, I came across this verse; 'And when they saw Him, they worshipped Him; but some were doubtful' (v17).
This happened when Jesus and His eleven disciples had gathered together in a mountain, after Jesus rose on the third day after His death on the cross.
The twelve disciples Jesus chose 'to be with Him' became eleven after Judas ended his life overwhelmed by the guilt of betraying Jesus. Now even among the remaining eleven, some were doubtful, probably wondering whether the risen Jesus was the same person with whom they spent three and half years!
Jesus had twelve followers who were divergent in attitude and behaviour. Judas was in the habit of stealing money from the money bag. Peter was an impulsive and demonstrative of his allegiance to Jesus but failed at the crucial hour by denying Jesus, when Jesus was under trial before Pilate. The Zebedee brothers sought a place of honour one on the right and the other on the left when Jesus would be the King. The disciples quarrelled among themselves as to who was the greatest among them. John, one of them, sought to be close to Jesus.
I wonder how Jesus of Nazareth integrated these divergent self seeking behaviour of His followers! And yet, how Jesus communicated to them through His teachings, parables, healing those who were bought to him with sickness, rescuing them twice while they were caught in a storm in the sea, performing miracles such as turning water into vine, and feeding five thousand once and four thousand at another time with little food which He multiplied for all of them!
Jesus lived and ministered for three and half years while faced with divergent attitudes and variant behaviour from His disciples. At no time, Jesus disgraced them or disowned them.
Now at the time when Jesus was about to depart from them permanently, 'some among them' were still doubtful about Him !
As Jesus departed from them, the parting message Jesus gave to them was, '...I am with you always even to the end of the age'(Matthew 28;20).
Jesus offered Himself equally to those who trusted Him and doubted Him. I keep wondering and stay amazed at such a gracious and forgiving attitude of Jesus!
I remember how I became susceptible to a circumstance at my work place when I experienced anger and accusation! Although I endured it for a while and tried negotiating, I failed to accept it and stay kind and considerate towards couple of professionals! I felt relieved only when they left the team.
During the last five years after it happened, I lived with a sense of failure in not having been tenacious, resilient and accommodative !
When I watched the rain lilies resilient even in the battering rain, I got a glimpse of the calling in life to be resilient in difficult situations.
When I read the passage above about 'some disciples 'being doubtful' of Jesus, I got even more challenged by a calling to live accommodative and tolerant even when 'feeling attacked' !
I re-read the passage in the epistle of first letter of Peter: ' For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps... while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while, suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously' (I Peter 2: 21-23).
I took the step of writing or talking to most people in the recent three years, to whom I owed an apology when it became clear to me that I had not walked a second mile towards a restorative attitude ! Although couple of people are yet to respond, I feel relieved that the message towards restoring communication was initiated. I have another two more people to reconnect. I would need some more time to take that initiative to be relational!
What is life unless one is able to revise the past and open possibilities of communication and restoration.
Jesus of Nazareth blessed and promised His presence even to those who were doubtful!
That is giving freely and fully not conditioned by how the response might be!
That is the direction in life that is presented before me! I want to be willing even more !
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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