Knowing the child- 6

The Barbet who came to our garden for its feed was perched in the Guva tree for a while and inspected the fruits only to find them raw!

I kept looking for its movement in the garden to see if it would come to the Rambutan tree next to it, which had ripe fruits. It did not come !

The feeding behaviour of a Barbet is different from that of Parakeets, squirrels, and tree pies who thrive on Rambutan fruits. 

I recall narratives which I heard from parents about children and their behaviour. Some parents find the behaviour of a child different from that of the other child at home or in the neighbourhood! I found conversation or negotiation difficult in such situations as parents were stuck with the expectations of sameness of behaviour from every child at home. 

I recall while visiting a home the approach of the family towards their two children. After dinner when the desert was being served, the mother asked the two children: do you want ice cream or caramel custard or both or fruits? I was more than surprised. 

During the conversation after dinner, I found the approach of the family educative about the way they are learning to know their two children by observing their meal time behaviour, play time behaviour and relational behaviour. 

The parents were learners of the behaviour of their children which gave them an insight about how they think or process of the information. The boy was seven and the girl was nine, both communicative, interactive and mindful! I noticed how the freedom of acceptance and feedback of appreciation made their children feel secure to be themselves. After dinner, one asked for extra time of half an hour to read and the other was ready for bed. 

I wondered how the parents could be generous and open towards their children in such a comfortable way! I picked up a message from them that they have an openness to know their children rather than impose their expectations on them!

The parents shared about their childhood, of having been given choices in many instances. The father wanted to join the defence services but his parents did not endorse it heartily. They encouraged  him to attend a three week camp of the National Cadet Corps which was organised for school leavers to give a foretaste of life and mission in defence services. He came me back unhappy to pursue that career path. He went on to be an engineer and stayed in the faculty of an engineering college. He is an athlete and enthusiast of music and carpentry!

I realised that how parents of such a background of practicing to  honour their children, rather than subdue the children to their demands and expectations, were genuine companions to their children ! 

'Knowing the child' is  the primary mission in parenting practice!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)