Life, Living , Learning - 18

What fascinates me each time when I watch a sunbird gathers nectar from a flower is the ease with which it does it, while perched lightly in the flower or leaves adjacent to it ! 

The economy of effort!

Receiving the nectar without any indication of stressful effort!

The time a Sunbird takes to gather nectar is short! It moves from one flower to another gating the nectar!

To me this sight is a call to learn to work easily, attentively and purposefully!

I realise from some recent experiences that it is when, one is fully present to the context, it becomes comfortable to engage in the task with a measure of ease! The effort gets compounded when one is not present, distracted or anxious!

The secret, about a Sunbird is the way it arrives and departs. It flies directly on to the flower and looks around to choose flowers to gather the nectar. After gathering it looks around before flying away to the next site! 

This observant behaviour makes the arrival and departure is worthy of attention. It uses its sensing ability to plan for the nectar gathering! It conserves its efforts and is precise and focussed!

The Ignition life rhythm is 'pray and work' !

Prayer is a habit of becoming present to oneself in order to become present to the God of our lives present with us! It is this which the Ignition spirituality refers to as 'communion'. It is this communion with God which brings awareness, sense of presence and insight! It is from this 'gain' of inner fullness one moves out to work, in which case work becomes lighter and natural. The pause one takes when a task is finished is a transition time to 'return' to the inner presence before engaging the next! 

This rhythm of arriving to work 'full' and leaving to move on to the next 'full' is what makes every work an expression of our inner being!

I have recently realised that this rhythm is a sacred experience. It is the stress of a task that reminds me of not having been made ready by the rhythm of 'pray and work'! 

The graceful arrival and darter of a Sunbird is a message if inspiration to me! 

The economy of effort !

Work from the fullness within! That resonates within me !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Breaking the silence !

This chiming wall clock, in our cottage bought in 1962 stopped functioning ten years ago. The repairing was not possible in spite of our earnest efforts as technicians were no more familiar with mechanical clocks. Even those older technicians who used to attend on such clocks refused to attempt as spare parts were not available. 

About a month ago, we came across a watch shop of sales and service  which sold the clock to my parents. The shop owner remembered the clock from a label of the shop that was intact on the bottom of the front of the clock. He accepted the clock to restore, if at all it was  possible. 

Now the clock is back on our wall where it was hanging earlier, for last three weeks. It functions well and chymes every half an hour. Its manual winding once a week keeps it functional. 

A silent clock now chimes!

Its restoration takes us to a new perspective to consider!

Its silence was broken by one who cared to make it chime!

It is the intent and interest that would make difficult things possible!

For me it was an encouragement because helping a child waylaid with a developmental challenge to move forward is difficult! But there are prospects and possibilities in every situation!

The shop owner revived the clock what others thought was dead and a scrap to be discarded!

I salute him for the vision that he carries in his life. He believed in the robustness of the clock.  He thought it had life left in it!

That is a call to see opportunity and opening in every situation, however difficult it might appear outwardly!

I offer this flower of greetings to the watch shop owner and people like him, who see prospects of hope in every difficult situation!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

At day break !

 

The twilight of this morning brought a special sight in our garden with three birds perched near the feeding station around the same time. 

The first photo is that of a common hawk Cuckoo, not a regal visitor to our  garden!

The other two,  a juvenile Magpie Robin and an adult Sunbird are regular visitors or residents as they are seen on different times of the day from early morning! 

A visitor told me recently that migrant birds come to places where there are other birds. A solo bird looks for safe places to make transition halts. The common Cuckoo is probably trying out our garden!

It is after a week the sunshine brings an adorable look to flowers and birds!

It is a a morning of delightful sights that takes us beyond the weary experiences we see all around us, in a world of many stressful sights!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Feathered visitors and residents!

The birds above were perched in trees or cable around the feeding table in our garden this morning, while the Bulbul below was already at the feeding table.

Such a sight of gathering of birds at day break is a welcome sight almost every morning, except when it is raining. 

A visitor told me recently that birds hover around in a garden if the garden is healthy and harmless !

To be in such a setting where life becomes a shared living is a pleasure and privilege which Anna and I celebrate almost daily. 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Meditation of my heart- 39

All of Daphne's walk is scent driven! She paces her walk smelling and sensing. The pauses and tracking the scent along the way is her habit. I realise that over these years, it is walking her that has introduced me to a good experiences of keeping pace with her rhythm rather than regulate her on a leash. In order to give her freedom the regular walk is in our cottage yard and garden and the weekly walk is outside when she has to be on a leash!

This search instinct drew my attention to dwell on the search instinct in humans. 

Jesus of Nazareth told a parable of a woman looking for a lost coin in her home (Luke 15 :8-10). She lit a lamp, swept the house and searched  carefully for the one silver coin out of the ten she had lost! 

This created a sense of enquiry within me about losing, searching, finding or not finding. 

What did this woman loose! A silver coin! One coin out of ten! She valued what she had and was keen to find what she lost! An awareness of a loss and attention to seek for the lost! It is a sign of responsiveness  to regard what she had as a steward or keeper of what she received. I felt challenged by her attitude of not being content with the nine coins, but searching for the one that was lost! I lived for a while with a sense loss of relationships with two people over  difficulties at work place. I wrote to both of them to express regret and offering to restore relations. It took a while for me to experience how peace deep within was disturbed on account of this. That initiated me in the recent months to make another journey of enquiry into the losses I live with! 

The search process in the instance of the woman in the parable was searching her own home, lighhing a lamp and seeping the house! The coin remained hidden somewhere in her home. The coin could represent openness, kindness, mindfulness, integrity, or righteous ways of living! If they are lost from my conduct, then I am an impoverished person! This would call for search within to redeem those healthy practices which would restore soberness and freedom ! Jesus reminded His followers that, 'I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly' (John 10:10). This way of living fully alive and awakened, is possible if what was truly our truthful self which was lost in the travailing experiences of life, can be found and restored! 

The finding of what was lost led the woman to rejoice and make it a celebration by announcing it to others. It is this Daphne was doing. In her search she found scent and moved in that direction while walking! That was purpose driven! Daphne engaged in her walk with a purpose! She was not wandering, but exploring and finding! The woman rejoiced by bringing her experiences to the orbit of others. Her joy was complete when she enabled others to participate in her discovery of what she had lost and found. Her finding was not just a coin alone but a fellowship of communion with others. She used that occasion to discover or affirm the fullness of life she experienced from her connection with others. Her loss and gain led to affirming to others, her relational attitude towards them! She invited others into her life experience! 

There can be occasions when we might not find what we are searching for about which there is a reference in the wisdom literature of the Old Testament in Ecclesiastes 3.6 : 'A time to search and a time to give up as lost' ! A loss can be a permanent experience which cannot be redeemed in some instances. The loss of mobility for Dr Mary Varghese  of the Christian Medical College, Vellore following her spinal cord injury was a permanent loss. She had to live with assisted mobility in a wheel chair! But she transcended her physical loss to find a purpose with her life- serving others with loss of mobility by starting the Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine at CMC Vellore, the first of its kind in India in 1966. 

There are those who have restored what they lost and some others made to live with their loss !

What matters is whether we chronically live in grief because of our loss of something that was dear to us or move on to find growth through our loss to make life even more abundant and graceful!

I happened to read that Ludwig van Beethoven continued to write music while loosing his hearing and the ninth symphony was written when he was in advanced stage of hearing loss.  When he conducted the ninth symphony in 1824, he could not hear the orchestra. From 1802, he seems to have had the early stage of hearing loss, but he continued to compose music by using his visual sense even more. From 1817 his deafness became profound that he could not hear music; but he continued  composing of music. 

Even a permanent loss is not an impediment to live fully and purposefully!

Life has a a mystery about itself, which the the Psalmist in Psalm 139 narrated: ' I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully and. Wonderful are Thy words. And my soul knows it well' (v 14).

After spending 27 years in prison and suffering unjustly, when Nelson Mandela became the president of South Africa, he initiated the 'Truth and Reconciliation Commission' (1996-98) under the leadership of Archbishop Desmond Tutu. This commission offered amnesty to all those who advocated apartheid, violated human rights, engaged in violence and cruelty.  Nelson Mandela turned his loss to restore others to experience forgiveness, healing and wellness !

Life is such a gift to bring a transforming touch in the lives of others. The Giver of this life resides in our soul making it a sanctuary of communion to make us self-giving in habit !

'The Lord sustains all who fall,

And raises up all who are bowed down,

The eyes of all look to Thee.

And Thou dost give them food in due time,

Thou dost open Thy hand,

And dost satisfy the desire of every living thing' (Psalm 145: 14-16)

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Thirty years ago!

The above book, narrating the story of ASHIRVAD and its Child Development Centre from 1983 to 1995 was written by Katharine Makower, by spending a month with us by interviewing parents, professionals and referring doctors. The book is in circulation even now.

It is now thirty years since that occasion. Katharine a well known author of other books on historical events, happened to know about us while doing research for another book. Having visited us at that time and she felt interested in the activities of ASHIRVAD.  She offered to write the above book as her contribution to make known its calling and ethos. Katharine and Peter Makower have been since then, friends and hosts to us while visiting London. Katharine subsequently summarised the story of ASHIRVAD from 1997 after we relocated to start the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the Christian Medical College in 1997. 

The above two photographs of that occasion, thirty years ago, bring back many happy memories. 

Dr Rachel Chacko who is in the photo, handing over a farewell gift to Katharine, was a friend who made it a habit to visit us regularly from 1987, since the Child Development Centre was located in Anna Nagar in Chennai. Dr Chacko brought considerable encouragement in those initial years when professionals were still unfamiliar with the purpose and service of a stand alone Child Development centre.  

The photograph of the team of support staff and professionals at the Child Development centre with Dr Chacko and Katharine in the veranda of the Child Development Centre, reminds Anna and me of all the good experiences which grounded us in our further engagement in child development and rehabilitation since then. 

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The above photo from our garden is a token of our regards and appreciation that we offer to all those in the photos above, who touched our lives and affirmed us to continue in this path professionally!

  

Some memories are lasting and become dearer as time moves on! Anna and I love cherishing the occasion above and all the associations that we have had with all of them! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Knowing your child - 23

The above photos taken after the rain fall show the laves and flowers in this plant carrying an ornamental look with water drops covering them. It is such mystical sights that would move a composer or a poet into a song or a poem.

The photos of the same plant at dawn, following a dry night show another appearance of leaves and flowers. They are smeared with the dew of the night. The leaves and flowers convey a different mood. 

The same plant on two different situations!

The appearance of leaves, flowers and fruits is formed by what they receive from the atmosphere around it. 

A plant and its leaves, flowers and fruits appear differently following a rain fall and the dew of the night. 

The variability in the ambience of home where children grow up would have an impact on their formative process. 

We get an impression of the formative process of a child in mid childhood through his or her behaviour, communicative style, and relational style. A child expresses what he or she has internalised. If the ambience was rich with indications of acceptance, fondness, intimacy, regard, and honourable nurturing practices, a child often feels secure and comfortable. Such children create fraternal attitude towards other children and adults. 

The becoming process of a child  is what needs attention as we live in an environment of multiple influences upon our children. 

I recall a conversation time around the dining table in a home, where two children, one seven and the other nine, were narrating the cultural festival that was going on in there school. The whole dinner time was spent in conversation with what children initiated about their experiences or observations. I felt fascinated by the listening intent and interest of the parents. I found out that the dinner time is usually a conversation time initiated by children. The openness and freedom with which children share their thoughts, experiences or feelings conveyed a message of attentive parenting. 

I thought both parents were naturally tuned to listen and be appreciate what children conveyed. I remember the parents mentioning that some friends from the school visit the children at home during the week end. The parents felt glad to welcome them and organise some group activities which children enjoy during such times. That home was child friendly and child centred. Both children shared a corner in the home where they had their study desks, cupboards and a wide variety of collections of children's books, toys, art materials and display boards with their drawings and collections of pictures of family events of birthdays and picnics.   

The ambience of the home and attentive parenting contributed to a wholesome experience of children growing up wanted, valued, affirmed and loved. 

What was significant in the life of that family was that parents existed in the world of children and made every effort to find connection and communication to foster wellness and acceptance of children! 

The leaves, flowers and fruits in the plant in our garden had an ornamental look with rain and dew. The ambience around provided that added colourfulness and radiance. 

Are children clothed with attentive parenting!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Mid life of a family !

 

The three rose flowers convey three different messages as they face the  incessant rain in our garden. 

The first one is drooping, the second rose looks drenched and the third rose appears bright and colourful with only few water drops on the petals!

I come across similar experiences, which families face while negotiating difficult circumstances. 

There are families who feel down cast and heavy of heart finding it hard to face the daily demands on them. They appear bereft as loneliness and helplessness grip them and cloud the perception of possibilities ahead. 

A second group of families are those who endure the adverse situations although feel drained of energy of enthusiasm sometimes. They hold on believing that 'even this would pass away'! They have a future in sight and look forward to better times. 

A third set of families are those who stay protected and steadfast and walk through the adverse situations with hope as they carry the lessons of resilience they learned from the past experiences. 

It was while listening to a family a few days ago, I was drawn by the convergence of circumstances that disturb the stability and steadfastness in life.  

Normally mid life is a time of transitions and challenges for most families. That is a time several changes happen concurrently. The work place environment can become demanding; children are in pre-teen years or are in teenage years needing stability and direction for career path; marital relationship can become stale and distant; economic stress can be unsettling or adults can face early onset of life style related diseases. 

I noticed that the buds remain protected in rain. As soon as the buds open they look fresh. It is on the second or third day the flowers droop or appear drenched. 

That is the mid life season of the flowers, considering that a rose flower remains open for about five to seven days. 

The mid life from early forties to sixties, spreading over about 25 years is the season of mid life, when the 'convergence of disadvantages'  can come upon families. 

It is during that time, adult life companionship can be an essential support system, that families would need. 

Anna and I worshipped in a church for ten years in our mid life where an adult meeting took place after the regular worship service, which the presbyter of the church conducted with considerable understanding. He would visit the homes of families that he thought were in stressful situations during the week. He was like a 'cover' over them to stay anchored in hope and peace. 

I want to suggest that if an organisation or institution or any congregation of people want to offer mindful support to families, it is worth focusing on families in mid life. 

I wonder whether there would be lot more attention to prepare families  for mid-life transitions and accompany families during that season to feel enabled! 

The defining and transforming support Anna and I received from friends and companions was during our early mid life when we felt swayed by the 'burdens' that came upon us. They were generous, mindful and enabling to make the transition comfortable. 

The family life support programme ought to be a cardinal component of organisations or institutions! It is not just 'management of human resources with protocols and practices of 360 degree appraisals. It ought to be family specific responses to spoken and unspoken needs. 

The honourable Supreme Court of India proposed recently that institutions where more than 100 children study, there ought to be a counsellor or social worker to oversee the emotional wellness of the children. 

How insightful is that proposal! Is it not applicable to adults in mid life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Lifie for blossoming!

After summer and the recent good monsoon rainy season, most plants in our garden have an ornamental look with buds and flowers!

I offer these flowers to the two sisters of a religious order now in prison for five days in Durg, accused of attempting to forcibly convert three women! From the news that is trickling in, the truth is far from it. They were accompanying three women to take them to their work place, where they were offered  employment !

I believe that truth would prevail although sisters who have health constraints suffer while in prison!

I wish the honourable court of law would view their petition for bail in a just manner!

Till then the buds and flowers stay reminding me that life shall blossom even amidst suffering and stress!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Companions in life!

 

It was Daphne's look of intent and interest that drew me to look and discover the butterflies and the fruit and flower in a corner in our garden. I got used to observing the behaviour of Daphne during the morning walk and find myself surprised by the alertness of a Beagle! Although she is thirteen years old and has a lymphoproliferative condition with lumps in her body for which she needed surgery, her alertness and interest in the environment have remained intact. 

She is as before smells and senses sharply! We hide biscuits in different corners and sure enough she would find them. 

I felt yesterday at the end of the walk with her, that a dog is a pet but also is a companion. Every time I stop to take phots during the walk, she would pause till I am ready to resume the walk! 

I happened to read a letter sent to me in 1986 from a friend enquiring about us and the child development work we were engaged with at Chennai. This friend remained in contact and visited us a few times. We still have contacts with him although he has some health related constraints. 

Life is a story of formation where companions and fellow travellers brought insights and lighted the path in the journey of life. 

Dr P. Zachariah, retired professor of Physiology at CMC Vellore whose wise counsel and searching questions helped us in interpreting situations while we worked at CMC, recently celebrated his ninety-fifth birthday. During every visit he left a question to ponder upon, which lead us to clarifying difficult situations. 

Anna gathered all the files of letters we received from 1983. While reading through them, I felt moved that so many people supported us and carried us in their thoughts which made us feel accompanied! 

We feel grateful and touched while recollecting the gifts of love and care we received thus far from a wide circle of friends !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The morning sights!

What a delight it is to see the flowers in our garden, moistened in the mist of the night!

It is now dry for 24 hours after two weeks of heavy rain fall, which dulled the appearance of the flowers!

At dawn today, the flowers carried the misty coat on the petals appearing like a cover of protection and the fragrance returing!

With Cambodia and Vietnam agreeing for cease-fire mediated by Malaysia, the morning brings cheer and trustful anticipation of a new wave of peace in the air!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)