What did I see in this flower bunch at first sight? It was the dried remnant of an earlier flower !
The three brilliant flowers remained mostly unnoticed in the first sight! It was after I took off my attention from the dried flower, the three flowers partially engaged my attention.
The temptation or habit is to lament about what is not there, even when what is present is exuberantly impressive and gratifying.
I have had parents who complain about the few marks a child lost in his examination although the overall grade was outstanding. Parents think and speak irrationally about a child when he was mischievous or angry prone or erratic sometimes in his or her behaviour or response.
One such experience comes to my memory. This nine years old child was outstanding in his performance in the class, music, sports and painting. But he lost pencil, pen, lunch box or did not give attention to take care of his belongings even at home. This made parents speak miserably about him. In a conversation about this with the boy he confessed that he heard complaints about his lapses from his parents most of the time. He was starved of complements, acknowledgements or encouragements.
All children have a bright side and a dark side! Why is that the dark side becomes more noticed than the brighter side!
As parents, if we grew up less appreciated or affirmed, we have not grown up in an environment of being accepted just as we are! A child is a person who needs to be valued and have that communicated to him or her all the time. A child's psychic, behavioural and emotional formation become optimum, when he or she feels nurtured by acts of kindness, appreciation, thoughtfulness and tender expressions of feeling loved!
If I missed the three flowers at first sight and saw only the dried flower, it is an indication of a skewed view of realities.
I wish parents would list at bed time to every child all that they noticed in the child during the day for the child to feel good about himself or herself. If we do not fill a child's conscious and subconscious mind by feed back of worth and goodness, he or she lives reduced. The corollary of this is a restrained or reduced self-acceptance or self-image. This leads to anxiety or fear leading to wonder if he or she is good enough for his or her parents and others.
All children are good enough. It is up to parents to nurture the child to have good view of himself or herself and build the trust to be a overcomer!
How refreshing it is for a child to feel accepted all the time! The slips or shortcomings do not make him or her feel any les valued or loved!
For parents, the call of parenting is to be in a self giving role towards children and not in a judgemental, threatening or reprimanding role! It is love and care which when expressed all the time, shall become therapeutic to a child, who is struggling to overcome some challenges he or she faces!
A parent told me how he took his son for a forty minutes walk when he returned from the school, as he often came disheartened as some teachers did not like his handwriting! In two years with this steadfast accompanying from his parents and constant encouragement about his abilities, this boy not only improved his handwriting but became a prize winning artist. The boy told me how it did not matter to his parents the least, how he wrote as they kept reminding him that he would be able to improve over time. Instead he received encouragements and got introduced to playing carroms, table tennis, quilling, paper craft and painting!
What matters reference is about what is there, and not about what is not there, when we accompany our children during the formative years early childhood
They need to be grounded in our unconditional acceptance and affection! They respond to the language of love and endearment !
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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